Dinner with the ex

I had dinner with G tonight. Yes, after all my friends advised against it. He randomly called me on the day of the potluck to invite me over. I have no idea why he did this. In anycase, I told him that I was busy and he asked me if I was pissed at him, and I said yes. I didn't get into further details because I wouldve ended up burning the food I was cooking.

But getting to the point. I was pretty concerned as to why he wanted to meet me - I mean it was a pretty random phonecall after a long time. We met for dinner at this vietnamese place 'Monsoon' on the west side, and it was quite nice. I was pleasantly surprised - he was extraordinarily nice - picked up the tab, walked me home - maybe it was guilt?

But I was thinking, on my way back uptown after being stood up by friend Brian who flaked on me at the last minute, that I think I'll always be attracted to him. He is super gorgeous, but I think I'm more attracted to his simplicity. At some level, perhaps I envy that level of non ambition and simplicity - I've been raised to be tremendously succesful and ambitious - which, in my opinion, is not a bad thing at all. But it's just sometimes the grass is greener on the other side? Anyway, the point being I think I reached that level of emotional defeat today - where it's like I know I'll always have feelings for G - and the chemistry is undeniable given the circumstances of our meeting - but it's obviously not meant to be, and meeting him once every 2 months is not a bad thing. It's like I feel that today was emotional closure for me - where I could actually dine with him as friends, and control the expression of my emotions to the extent where I realized that nothing will become of it.

Just random thoughts...

In other news going insane trying to get everything together for Monday - the shuttle picks me up at 2pm. Still so much packing/moving to be done!!!